My ego is raging at the moment. I just clicked publish on my first post for this blog. How Dare I?! My ego does not like me having the audacity to show up in the world, as I am, enough. How dare I?! What value could I possibly offer? Who the h*ll do I think I am? I’m not a good enough coach, writer, illustrator, human. She rages on.
If my ego were an ex boyfriend, I would have kicked her to the curb long ago and kept the dog. I wouldn’t tolerate being treated this way by anybody else so why would I put up with it from an imaginary voice inside my head? It’s like being unable to kick out the worst roommate you’ve ever had.
I let my ego rage. I let her have her tantrum. She kicks. She screams. She ugly cries her way to exhaustion. I patiently wait for her drama to run its course. I’ve raised toddlers and teenagers. Ain’t no drama gonna break my stride. (That’s how the song went, right???) Even though this drama is entirely inside my head, I have the exact same ability (responsibility) to ignore it. I graciously decline to fan the flames. I’ll listen to the sane voices in my head, thank you very much. Or any rate, the kind ones.
When the tantrum has passed, I give her a metaphorical hug. I validate her feelings because, let’s be honest, doing new things can be scary. I tell her I love her and that I appreciate that she’s trying to protect me. Then I remind her that the sky is not actually falling despite her prophecies.
I.AM.SAFE. I grab a sharpie and write it on the back of my hand. (Extreme? Maybe; but only if you don’t know my best friend is a tattoo artist.) Today, this is my mantra. We’ll save How to Make a Mantra Actually Work for another day. Today, I am pounding my chest with pride that I courageously showed up in the world as my authentic self. (And then I’m researching marker toxicity.)